If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
