My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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