I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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