there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
