So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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