this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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