The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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