6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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