Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
