if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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