wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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