If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
