oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
