You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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