Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
