I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Your penis caused this!
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