thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
