yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i wish my penis had a tongue
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
