these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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