Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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