how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
