im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
