I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
