I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
