can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
