So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
