She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
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