Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
