Will you blow on my dice?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You were trust falling into bushes
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