bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
