found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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