2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize