The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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