i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize