I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize