So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
