he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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