Define "chronic" masturbator.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
