So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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