The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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