can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
