wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
