last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
