I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
