so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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