I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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