mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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