i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
