grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
