this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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