so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
