its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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