There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
