he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
