Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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