you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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