I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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