sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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