I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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