I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
