it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
