I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
