I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I love having hate sex.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
