I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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