My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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