Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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