New invention idea: vibrating tampons
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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