marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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