when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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