R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
