It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm both gender and math confused
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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