6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
