I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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