So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
