Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
