I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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