His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
