I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
